Evan's Story, Chapter two, Reflections

Reflections

To some is given by the Holy Ghost to know that Jesus Christ is the son of God,
and that he was crucified for the sins of the world.

Doctrine and Covenants 46-13

   It’s been twenty-five years since that personal revelation. I have often reflected on that moment. I immediately recognized what a great gift Heavenly Father presented me. I have never been the same. This is my testimony that Jesus is the Christ and that the Gospel message is true.

   I cannot ponder the Crucifixion without remembering how I felt at that moment. I know how awful that was. I know Heavenly Father felt the same way. According to the New Testament, Jesus felt that his Father had forsaken him, that he left his presence. Why this happened is not explained. I have heard some ideas why Heavenly Father left, but I have my own idea. He just couldn’t bear to watch anymore.

   The idea that I would love one of my children more than the others is bothersome to me. I love all my children. I love all my grandchildren also. They are a joy to me. There is a saying, however, that applies. “You love who you serve.”

   He promised me that my other five would love their little brother. I am happy to say that this prophecy is fulfilled. They do love Evan with all their hearts.  He is “their favorite little brother.” 

Katie, John, Evan, David, Rachel, April

   If our decision to keep the baby was made solely because we thought the Church demanded it, we may have spent the rest of our lives second guessing the decision. We, and the church, would have been open to extreme criticism. Nowadays, ninety-two percent of couples in our situation choose an abortion. They often spend the rest of their lives grieving for their lost child.

   It is said that a man can stand taller after praying on his knees. When I arose from my knees that day, I did stand taller. I knew, without a shadow of doubt, we were making the right decision. I was going to have a sore trial, but I knew that I would have the strength. But I would have to rely on my friends in the church, the community and my family. As I look back, I realize those words are still true.

   However, there were times when my friends and family couldn’t help me. But the Lord always could. And He did, sometimes without even being asked.